Every month has been an awkward climb upward. Some days I feel like I made some amazing work only to find I was caught up in a false high. There is a dissatisfaction with the direction of my creative vision. Where do I go, what are my motivations and most importantly, will I find people that will support it? Perhaps I'm suffering from cognitive dissonance. I have high aims for my work with wonderful project ideas. Unfortunately I go through ridiculous ways of sabotaging any efforts to move forward. My overall feeling is that I mentally and physically talk myself out of possible opportunities.
I don't know what I want for myself. A lot of paths I see are not attractive but somehow other creative folks covet and will make sacrifices for those paths. Where is my path with the work I create?
Do I move to a large city with a big, creative community, travel on the road working at a random place or try something completely different? I've been so used to living in a small town not very far from where I grew up. I don't know if that is a bad thing but maybe I should get away from it all to get a better perspective.