I was having a conversation with a friend the other day. It was the chatter of updating each other on our respective lives. I had come into a two recent freelance jobs that I was finishing/starting on my days off of work. In the space of two weeks, I acquired a studio space, which I'll be getting to posting about. I was asked if I had moved into the space yet this past Wednesday. I said no because I had other work(paid) to finish. There was a comment towards me along the lines of "there is always something...". I was upset to hear it. Now, I can't claim to know what my friend was thinking but it struck a nerve. I can't defend myself with an explanation of my personal time spent. I will say I was very busy with two breaks these past two weeks. Everyone's gotta relax right? When I work at my day (overnight) job, I work, go directly to bed and wake up to repeat the cycle–I have personal time in my car to reconnect with the world and an hour to take a shower and eat food before the commute. Of course, I have four full days off in exchange for losing three full days at work. I know people and friends that are much more prolific than I ever have been. They have kids, farms to farm and other responsibilities. I don't have a large time-deficit at all!
Explanations aside my friend had the best intentions. Said friend had a good point.
A studio has been on my mind for months. My partner and friends have heard me complain and whine about a lack of working space. So, I find a space and what do I do? I do nothing with it...yet. This is where my anger turns to shame. I have been failing to stay disciplined and spend part of my time doing things for myself. My failure has extended into a heaping pile of photos that I spent hours finding and no hours editing. In my mind, I think "Oh, I'll get to it tomorrow". Well, tomorrow is here today and tomorrow is there another day ahead. There is always something else.
I will be moving into my studio space now, I will be editing photos, even if it is one image that sucks, and I will make time for myself instead of wasting it refreshing macrumors.com every ten minutes or browsing the same six(IGN, Engadget, Nikon Rumors, Facebook, BH Photo, Youtube) websites for hours on end. My partner can attest to the time I waste at my computer. If I didn't take part in his social life or set some days to visit friends and my sister and brother, I surely will have missed the summer! Discipline is hard and staying disciplined at something is a great thing. Even better if you are doing it for yourself!
I must be having a late-twenties crisis lately as I am realizing how valuable time is and how important it is to recognize when to take opportunities instead of making excuses to do them later. I spent time in college making excuses for everything. I'm not surprised that some of the people subjected to my excuses have no desire to talk to me! I wish I could have learned to say no to things or get the discipline to finish them or show up when expected. All of that time spent brooding and or wasted analyzing my place in this world could be better spent by doing something. There is a time and place for thinking (such as now). I won't be spending every hour of my days off making work or riding my bike twenty miles in whatever direction. I will spend at least a few hours a day on things that improve my well-being.
There will not always be something.