Keep Your Goals To Yourself

I bought the recently announced Nikon D7000 without telling a certain someone. If I had announced that I was going to purchase it, I would have been met with friendly criticism. This criticism would have made me question the expense, the application, or the necessity of the purchase. Well, I announced it after the fact, felt ashamed and canceled the purchase. I know that the tool would allow me more freedom in image making, the ability to make larger prints(16x20), record video, and reduce eyestrain with the larger viewfinder(I squint using my old D70). Surprising others with action does more for myself than approval for the action. This is the realization I came to today.

Keep my goals and ambitions to myself.

Every time I have announced an intention, I have failed to follow through. Friends have heard me say these things: I'm going to see my father(2005-2010), I'm going to move out of Fertile, MN(2009-2010), I'm going to start a career(2008-2011?). All was met with enthusiasm. All have been pushed further and further away–I sabotaged each effort. The rush of stating what I will do seemed enough in my mind to say that I have already done the hard work.

I have not done much work towards fulfilling my personal, announced goals.

I remember the days I used to peruse and post on an art forum board. I loved the positive feedback–I lived off of it. There came a point, in my late teen years, that the feedback wasn't enough. I was more interested in a physical return.

I was looking for compensation, a way to say this is what I have to show for my efforts. The feedback no longer did anything for me. I was hungry for food, not promises.

Whether I am at work, at a gathering, or talking with my partner/friends, I state what I plan to do. I get excitement from the contributing parties. I live on that high and then I lie to myself by saying that these goals are already close to being met or perhaps aren't worth pursuing.

Keeping my goals to myself motivates me to push further because I only have myself to be accountable for. There is no one's acceptance for which I have to fight for. If no one knows what I'm doing, then when I'm ready to show the fruits of my labor, the announcement will have greater meaning to me because I can now ask for advice in improving what it is I'm doing.

For now, I have much soul-searching to do. I am clouded by the dogma of others around me. I must look inside then look at goals that I want to accomplish and put the hard work towards achieving them.

And for you readers, start by action. No one can hold your hand. You have to do it yourself and only ask for support when you need it to move farther. The element of surprising others with your efforts goes a long way towards building self-confidence!

P.S: I ordered a plane ticket to see my father without a big announcement at the dinner table. It felt great! I leave for St. Lucia this Novemeber 11-20th.

P.P.S: This blog was a personal goal I didn't announce. I've never posted so much on a blog before.